Monday Night Wars: TNA Impact vs. WWE RAW

The past couple weeks I've been posting reviews on WWE RAW without having looked at TNA Impact. I don't watch Impact because I'm typically in class for the first half.

But tonight, I sat with some friends to watch the official kickoff of the new Monday Night Wars.

Of course, if you recall, January 4 was a record night for TNA, shaped by lots of surprises and the official debut of the Hulk Hogan regime. The night also featured Bret Hart's first live appearance on WWE RAW in twelve years.

The Monday Night Wars in Review

I thought TNA won the night, as far as excitement goes, by a long shot. I felt a lot of the material was must-see stuff, despite the so-so acting. Sting's heel turn, cemented by the return of Rob Van Dam, was a new twist on a character that has stood behind everything that's right in TNA for so long. Jeff Hardy and Shannon Moore also showed up for the party, too.

Everything on RAW seemed like it was too much of the same stuff and that we've gotten better shows the last couple of weeks.

Let's see how we watched wrestling as the night unfolded...

The Monday Night War: Shot By Shot

The surprise of the first five minutes of TNA is Impact kicking off with Hulk Hogan and Abyss vs. Ric Flair and AJ Styles. Man, if you'd told me in 2006 that Abyss, James Mitchell's weapon of mass destruction, would become a baby and team with Hulk Hogan I would've laughed so hard. But it's 2010, and here we are. Over on RAW, the crowd is pretty dull for the Underatker compared to the energetic Impact Zone. AJ wearing Flair's robe looks ridiculous, especially one that looks like a Wal-Mart version of Flair's high-class one.

They don't have much of a match, because Sting turns heel to help out Flair and Styles. Sting nails Hogan and Abyss with the bat. This is like TNA's moment when Hogan formed the NWO. As Brooke watched on, I looked at my friend and said she should show her boobs to appease Ric Flair and AJ Styles.

While this was happening, I turned back to see Michaels and Undertaker having a segment on their match at WrestleMania that looked like it would probably have been good if I'd watched the whole thing. Rego also informed me that the Undertaker at one point made a pass at his older sister while she was setting up a WWE live event at the Peoria Civic Center. PWinsider said their match is now No DQ and can only be won by pinfall or submission.

Flair is pissed at Abyss and Hogan and cuts a fired-up promo on 'em backstage. Abyss is SUPER pissed, raking his fingers through his bloody hair and punching the wall. WWE counters this with a 6-Diva tag - Gail, Kelly, and Eve vs. Maryse, Katie Lea Burchill, and Alicia Fox. King says he lived with Kelly Kelly for about four months...until he found out she was there. Haha.

Criss Angel is talking to Hornswoggle and the Bellas want to be his guest assistants. Of course! The Mindfreak took a string from one's cleavage and he string it through his mouth and out his eye. Gross. But Jillian wants to be his assistant, too! She sings, but he puts a spell on her and she loses her voice.

Meanwhile, in Orlando, Christopher Daniels is cutting a promo on Sui...er, Kaz. X Champ Doug Williams comes out. After some promo time, Bischoff makes a match. They did a nice suplex/pin combination and had a pretty exciting match. Miz and Big Show were cutting a promo on Truth and Morrison on RAW, when they came out and had a match too. Not sure how that one ended. Williams wins his match and in comes Shannon Moore! Bischoff announces Moore as the new #1 contender.

Backstage, JB is talking to Dixie Carter, steaming over Sting's return.

RAW comes back from break with a promo on Cena/Batista. TNA wins with The Beautiful People against Sarita and Taylor Wilde, as well as Angelina Love and Tara in a triple-team match. My friends who don't watch are like, "Who are these bitches?!" Daffney hit Tara with the KO title belt for The Beautiful People to win the Knockout Tag Team titles.

Christy Hemme is with D'Angelo Dinero and my friend Jesse goes, "Wait, the [Catholic] Pope wrestles?" He doesn't say much because Desmond Wolfe attacks from behind, takes off Pope's show, and starts beating on his foot.

It's time for Randy Orton. WWE's efforts to make him a household name have failed, because my friend Billy asked who Orton was. As they go to break, Taz and Mike Tenay are talking about the Sting situation. Speak of the devil, here he comes! He comes out to a mixed reaction. His opponent is...ROB VAN DAM! RVD his a spin kick and pins Sting after a Rolling Thunder. Sting hits Rob Van Dam with the bat and leaves him laying. Well, this didn't match my thoughts at all.

I got to thinking: Has Sting ever been a heel? I can't remember a time in TNA where he has been. That mixed reaction he got earlier is now all heat after taking out RVD. Sting lays out some refs and Hulk Hogan comes out. Bubba The Love Sponge tries to hold him back. Thirteen years later...geez. They have to get half a dozen security guards and refs to hold him back. Rego point out how weird it is they're trying to hold back Hogan, yet they're letting the man in the leather jacket repeatedly nail RVD with a baseball bat. Hogan gives up and walks to the back, but Sting plows through security and nails Hogan. This has gone about 5 mintues too long.

Back on RAW, I catch the recap where Orton tried to hit the RKO and Legacy finally got some heat on Orton by winning their handicap match. Josh Matthews interviews Batista, who acts calm and cool.

In Orlando, Kevin Nash is with Eric Young cutting a promo on The Band of Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac as they go to commercial. During the break, Hall and Pac show up. Oddly enough, they are countered on USA with Triple H. It's like some odd Kliq reunion. Hall and Syxx are in the ring with Young and Nash, and a bunch of security. Hall says they say they want into TNA because "it's startin' to get cool." Apparently there's a match between the teams at Destination X for The Band to get a fat contract. But if they lose, they must leave TNA. Bischoff is sick of kicking security out, so he gives Waltman a fight with Eric Young. They have a pretty good brawl when EY hits the piledriver for the 3-count.

Some Army soldiers show up and Tenay says it's a takeover. Okay... In Portland, Triple H and Sheamus are involved in a brawl of their own. From Triple H's music, I suppose he got the best end of that fight.

Santino introduces himself to the Mindfreak Criss Angel and talks about being Italian or something. They do some trick with a knife and I hope the Mindfreak stabs his hand. But he doesn't. Bummer.

Kurt Angle comes out through a throng of soldiers. I don't really understand it. Something about soldiers being the heart and soul of America. "He'll probably explain it, it's like Pokemon," Rego said.

I got bored and they weren't paying attention so I turned it to a Money in the Bank qualifier to see Evan Bourne and William Regal, with Skip Sheffield. For some reason, Christian was on commentary and flanked by Heath Slater. I turn back to TNA and Mr. Anderson is brawling with Angle while the military tries to hold Anderson back. Lots of brawling and pull-apart brawls on Impact tonight. Bourne wins with the Airbourne.

WWE showed a little longer video with Shawn Michaels and the Undertaker set to Johnny Cash. Killer.

Hulk Hogan is talking to Bubba the Love Sponge when Earl Hebner shows up and wants back in TNA. BTLS says he won't get in Hogan's business, and tells Earl to stop something for Hogan.

As Tenay and Taz run down Destination X, WWE does a WrestleMania recall from 20 with Brock Lesnar and Bill Goldberg. They show Austin giving them the Stunner, probably to hype his return next week. Then the WWE announcers hard-sell WrestleMania 26.

Meanwhile, Jeff Jarrett is getting his ass handed to him by Mick Foley and Beer Money. Clearly, I missed something. They brawl and Jeff Jarrett winds up with the barbed-wire bat. Referee Slick takes it away from him, and Beer Money hits a sweet spike powerbomb type move. WWE announced a WrestleMania Rewind theme for next week, including John Cena vs. Big Show (WrestleMania 20), Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels (WrestleMania 19), and Triple H vs. Randy Orton (WrestleMania 25). Yeah, we haven't seen that one enough. Plus, Stone Cold Steve Austin will supervise the Bret Hart and Vince McMahon contract signing.

Brooke Hogan meets her dad backstage and more terrible acting ensues. Brooke begs him that this be his last time in the ring. So it won't be.

Vince McMahon adds his own rules to his match with John Cena, where Cena has to go through Kozlov, Drew McIntyre, Jack Swagger, and Mark Henry.

Hogan is beating Flair's ass on Spike. Flair is bleeding like crazy (of course). They're redoing the match from earlier, with Hebner as the ref. AJ tells Brooke to sit down and shut up. Ha!

The Monster Abyss comes in and starts kicking ass! This is way more exciting. McMahon's music played so I can safely assume he won. Batista stands victorious over Cena after fending off Kofi Kingston as Hogan begins to Hulk up. Abyss hits the Black Hole Slam on AJ and pins him. Desmond Wolfe comes out and nails him with a chair. The Pope D'Angelo Dinero shows up and clears house himself. Chaos ensues when Jeff Hardy shows up! Jeff hits the Twist of Fate on AJ Styles and was going up for a Swanton Bomb when TNA cut.