What others are thinking

I've had the opportunity to be at a few parties in my day.  As normal as some of the behavior is to me (headbanging, moshing, property damage, violently screaming, rented wheelchairs), I realize it's got to be shocking for the typical beer pong player to witness some of this.

My friends have asked me a lot lately, as somebody who chooses to stay sober, what a party with them is like.  My response: unless any of the above outrageous things are happening, a party usually sucks for me.  I've come up with an intense gang of hellraisers and for me to settle with anything less isn't satisfying anymore. 

Even more than my reaction (since I know my friends and what they're capable of doing), I've really got to wonder what other people think.

So over the last couple of weeks I've compiled a list of people who have never met the group as a fully functioning world-wrecking unit yet to see what might be going through their minds watching the mayhem unfold.

Handlebar dude:

I just showed up at this party with my Natty Light.  I walk into a room labeled 'The VIP Lounge' and half a dozen guys are congratulating my handlebar mustache.  Weird, but, I'll roll with it.  They ask me where I'm from so I tell them.  None of them know where it is so they're not interested. 

But I'll be damned if I won't have a fun time.  Clearly these people love my choice in facial hair.  I'll use that to my advantage to make friends with every last one of these people.

Girl whose boobs are almost out because she wears a tube top to this party and wrestles one of the more insane people of the group:

I just got to this party a few minutes ago.  For some reason there's a wheelchair here but nobody is handicapped from what I can tell.  Whatever, I'm gonna get drunk as fuck.

It's been awhile and I'm pretty loose.  I'm with my friend, and this guy we met just took my show.  Time to wrestle!  He's a wiry dude and I think I'm into him.  The three of us grapple for about 5 minutes before I get my shoe back.

Now a long-haired beared maniac has taken possession of the wheelchair and is spinning around doing wheelies.

Oh no, the afro'd bastard just suggested he do a kegstand in a wheelchair...

WHAT ARE THEY DOING?!

Pissed Off Bro:

I'm playing a game of beer pong and I see these dudes walk in.  One of the guys seems to know somebody else.  Whatever.  Just don't wreck my streak bro.

Aw fuck, I dunno who this assclown is.  But these ugly motherfuckers have him up and he's doing a kegstand.  Did this guy pay anything?

On second thought, he clearly didn't.  He just left.  What the fuck?  Well, he's gone, but his friends are still here.  One of them is drinking straight from the nozzle on the keg.  And another one is pouring it into one of our kitchen cups.  That's it, I'm gonna punch these guys in the face.

Wait, where'd they go?  I hope they didn't take that cup with 'em.

Pissed Off Bro #2:

So I'm dancing to this shitty rap music.  It's so loud the neighbors probably can't hear their shitty metal music over it.  Yes!

The door is open to this place and there's a dude in a wheelchair being pushed in.  All these people are chanting "Let him party!"  What a buncha assholes.  Hey, who the FUCK let these guys in here?

WHO LET ALL YOU UGLY MOTHERFUCKERS IN HERE?!  This is a bro party!

I dunno who the guy was with the afro, but I'm gonna go kick his ass later on tonight.  Fuck these guys.